In the evening of the day of cremation
When the sun is setting the chief mourner should light a lamp of sesame oil and place it under a tree out of the draft. If this is not possible then the lamp should be lit in a corner of the house and kept burning for ten days or until the completion of the mourning rituals.
At the time of lighting the lamp recite the following prayer and then pour water around the lamp.
om andhakaara mahaa ghore mahattaa tamas-aavrute;
tamo nivaaran arthaaya imam deepam dadaamyaham
"O deceased one, surrounded by a terrible darkness, encompassed by the mode of nescience, for the removal of that darkness, I offer this lamp to you"
If possible a learned person should be invited in the evening to give a discourse on the ephemeral nature of time and the unsubstantial nature of the universe. One should tell discuss about the emptiness of life and the futility of searching for substantiality in the human body which resembles the trunk of a banana tree. The body is constituted of five elements and if it returns to the elements through natural causes what is there to grieve over? The earth, ocean and even deities are bound to be destroyed. The same fate awaits the entire universe which has arisen like a bubble. How it can escape destruction? Thus, one should speak to mourners about the transient nature of life.
Rules for Mourning
- The "mourners" are considered to be the close family members on the male side. Women do not observe mourning rituals for their own parents but for the parents of their husbands, since through marriage they change their "gotra". Sons and daughters observe the rituals for their parents. Parent's do not observe for their children. Siblings can observe the rituals for each other. The The mourners should not eat meat, salt or drink alcohol, wear perfumes or shave during the 10 days of mourning from the day of death onwards.
- Showering should be done daily with the minimum amount of luxury.
- Cooking should not be done in the house and all food should be brought from friends' houses or take-away.
- The mourners should sleep on the ground and not engage in any form of entertainment.
- It is customary not to greet anyone or even to return a greeting.
- Visitors to the house should not be entertained in anyway.
- These rules should be observed until the 10th day ceremonies.
- If due to social and professional circumstances these rules of mourning cannot be observed for all 10 days they should be observed for at least 3 days.
Post Mourning Rituals
On the 10th , 11th, 12th, and 13th day after the death, rituals are performed in order to mark the termination of the social isolation of mourning and the returning to normal life.
These rituals consist of:
- Punyaha vachanam — A purification ceremony
- Shanti Homa — a fire-ritual for peace of mind for the family and for the departed one.
- Ananda Homa — for inviting a return to joyous living and severance with death and mourning.
- Sapindi-karana — a rite to mark the transition of the deceased and a merging with the ancestors.
- Shubha-svikrana — done on the 13th day — offerings are made to the 9 planets and all the mourners bathe and wear new cloths. In the evening all the relatives and friends are invited for a feast.
- Danam — giving gifts in charity. These are a minimum of five (1) sesame seeds (2) clothing (3) gold (4) a water vessel (5) coconut representing a cow and the price thereof. According to the wishes of the family a further 10 items may be given or even 16.
- If 10 items are to be given they are: (1) Bhumi (potting mix) (2) sesame seeds (3) gold (4) ghee (5) clothing (6) rice (7) Jaggery (8) salt (9) silver (10) go-danam & a coconut and the price of a cow.